Why We Spend Without Thinking (and What to Do About It)
Have you ever gone for a walk with a young child? It's a great way to entertain them and use up time, but it also requires a lot of patience and an understanding that you will probably not do much walking.
Little kids want to stop and examine every rock, jump in every puddle, and carefully examine every tiny thing adults barely notice anymore. Their curiosity is endless, and their attention is fully in the moment.
As adults, we tend to operate on autopilot. We take the same routes, buy the same groceries, and mindlessly open the same apps on our phones. We drive out of the driveway and turn the direction we usually go before realizing that this time we meant to go the other way.
We don’t even think about it—we just do it. Our days are full of routines and habits that run in the background, saving us time and mental energy.
But sometimes, those habits lead us to spend money in ways we don’t intend.
The Power (and Pitfall) of Habits
Last week, I went to my usual Aldi, a store I’ve shopped at for nearly a decade. They’d rearranged everything and my quick, mindless shopping trip turned into something much more draining and stressful. I had to think about every item, search for things that were always right where I expected them, and pay much more attention. It was exhausting!
The reality is that our brains are wired to build shortcuts and fill in information. When we’re young, every task is new and requires focus—think of a child learning to tie their shoes. It takes forever and my impatient adult self wants to step in and do it for them. As adults, we’ve practiced so much that we can do it without thinking.
This is a helpful adaptation; we simply don’t have the bandwidth to analyze every single decision, every day. Can you imagine if you went to the store and had to analyze every single item, comparing it to the items around it and deciding if it is the best version to purchase at the best price? It’s not possible.
That’s why we develop conscious and unconscious rules and habits that allow us to move through our day quickly and with more energy. We shop at the same stores, buy the same brands, and assume that anything on sale is a good deal. And that can be really helpful—especially if you’re a busy mom responsible for making eleventy billion decisions every single day.
But these shortcuts can also lead us to do things that aren’t in our best interest—like overspending without realizing it.
Why Changing Habits Is So Hard
It’s easy to feel frustrated or ashamed when you overspend. Many personal finance “experts” tell you that spending too much money is a personal problem—that you made stupid decisions, didn’t know better, are bad with money, or lack self control.
But that’s rarely the case and struggling with money is not a personal failing. It’s not a lack of knowledge or willpower—it’s just how our brains work. (Plus many financial struggles stem from external circumstances beyond any one person’s control.)
Our brains are designed to default to what’s familiar and easy. When we have those rules, assumptions, and habits, we simply follow them without much thought.
Psychologist Wendy Wood, author of Good Habits, Bad Habits, has examined the exactly how many of our actions each day are habitual and automatic:
“In research that I’ve done, we find that about 43 percent of what people do every day is repeated in the same context, usually while they are thinking about something else. They’re automatically responding without really making decisions. And that’s what a habit is. A habit is a sort of a mental shortcut to repeat what we did in the past that worked for us and got us some reward.”
Behavioral economists, such as Daniel Kahneman, have theorized that we have two systems of thinking. We have one system that kicks in fast and is instinctual (System 1). It’s the system that manages your fight or flight response and helps you act quickly to protect yourself from danger. It’s what controls any action you take without really thinking about it.
Then there’s your thinking brain (System 2), which is a little slower to kick in (if it kicks in at all). This is the part of your brain that analyzes information and considers all of the factors, including the pros and cons of various outcomes.
Both ways of thinking serve important functions, but when it comes to being intentional, creating new habits, and changing your behaviors, it’s clear that your instinctual/emotional brain isn’t always helpful when you want to make a change. You need your rational brain to get involved so that you can create new patterns and train your instincts to default to the behaviors you want.
How to Create New Spending Patterns and Habits
If you would like to cut back on spending or even just be more intentional with your spending, there are several steps you can take to interrupt spending patterns and create new habits.
1. Identify the Problem Areas
You may already know that certain stores, items, events, or types of purchases are triggers for you. In that case, you can move to the next step.
But if you’re not sure, the best way to identify your problem areas is to keep a spending diary for a week or two. Write down what you bought, where you bought it, the amount, and some notes about how you were feeling or why you made the purchase.
Your instincts might be to avoid doing this because it can bring up uncomfortable feelings and make you feel bad. But remember, the point is awareness. Yeah, it might not be a fun activity and you might feel guilty or ashamed of purchases you’ve made, but this is the start of a new journey and a healthier relationship with money. So give yourself some self compassion and keep going.
Building awareness of what’s happening is an important first step in making changes.
2. Interrupt the Pattern
Awareness helps, but as we’ve talked about, maintaining that awareness all the time is exhausting and it’s normal to fall back into patterns where we buy things out of habit or routine. That’s why it’s helpful to set up “pattern interrupts” that will trigger your brain to pay attention.
Any little change to your normal routine can cause a shift in your awareness and automatic actions. That’s what happened when I went to Aldi or anytime I try to shop at Walmart or even a Costco that has a different layout than my usual location. It’s what happens when you get a new phone or move to a new place and have to create new patterns.
Here are some ways to interrupt your patterns whether you’re shopping in store or online.
Make a plan and keep your list visible. Remind yourself you’re only buying what’s on it.
Try shopping somewhere less tempting, or order online for pickup.
Skip the cart if you only need a few things—use a basket instead.
Add urgency: give yourself a time limit or go before another appointment (just make sure this doesn’t backfire and lead to more impulse buys).
Put a note in your wallet or on your credit card: “Do I really need this?” or “Will I use this, or will it end up as clutter?”
Delete shopping apps from your phone, or move them to a less accessible spot.
Change your phone background to a reminder of your spending goals.
Set limits on social media to reduce exposure to ads.
Remove saved credit card info so you have to enter it manually—giving you a moment to pause and think.
The key is to create a small pause—a moment where you can switch from automatic to intentional. Anything that interrupts your usual pattern gives you the chance to make a different choice.
3. Create New Patterns
Before you go shopping, create some new intentions or rules to follow instead. What are some healthier habits or choices you can make when you are shopping? Deciding this in advance (and writing it down or making a list) can help reduce decision fatigue when you’re shopping. And if you write it down, you won’t have to remember. Just read your list of new guidelines before you go and always have a plan.
Be Gentle With Yourself
If you find yourself slipping back into old habits, remember: this is how your brain is designed to work. You’re not broken, lazy, or failing. Things like this take practice. With compassion and a little curiosity, you can start to spend more in line with your values and goals.
This week, try noticing just one habit. Be curious, not critical. What’s one small change you could make to bring a little more intention to your spending?
You’ve got this—and if you ever need a gentle nudge or some extra support, I’m here to help.
